I can't remember the quote perfectly but a professor here at UCSD is known for telling us that we are at the luckiest points of our lives to be young, poor and some other seemingly undesirable aspect of a nineteen year old's life in college. There are times when I would whole-heartedly agree with him and others when I know I cannot appreciate his wisdom for many, many more years.
This time in anyone's life is funny. In my case, the bubble of college, surrounded by thousands of people going through the same exact things I go through everyday. Sometimes I find myself forgetting what life outside of this bubble is like and I am often reminded whenever I leave campus for a couple of days. My mom came down and visited over the past three day weekend and we drove up to visit family. We had a long breakfast with Aunt Daisy, Uncle Mike and her sister, brother-in-law and Jaclyn (basically my cousin) where we talked about Jaclyn's and my future. Daisy's sister is a lawyer and she talked me through the next eight years of my life, if I choose to go down that path. At first it was overwhelming to once again realize that these decisions are coming up so quickly.
I say once again because of the bubble. All of my friends and peers here have been talking about their futures for some time now. We all think we have a good idea of what we want and how to get there but we all have doubts. We wonder what the chances are of us actually achieving our goals. It can be scary. But it can also be a powerful motivator and, honestly, it's pretty freaking exciting.
After that lengthy talk this weekend, I can say that I have a better idea of what lies ahead and I appreciate that immensely. I know what I want and have a pretty good idea of the road to take. The doubts are still there and will be for quite some time. I will not be able to say with any degree of certainty that I am going to be a successful lawyer ten years from now until...about ten years from now.
But I know a few things. I am always (whether at home or here in San Diego) surrounded by incredible people who love me and will support me to hell and back. I know that ten years from now I want to be doing something that matters and I know that is more than possible. I know that the doubts will never vanish but, from experience, I know they are a lot less powerful than they seem.
"My God, Amazing that we got this far, It's like we're chasing all those stars.. Tell me what you want to hear, something that were like all those years, I'm sick of all the insincere, So I'm gonna give all my secrets away" --One Republic
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Maybe I Ought to Upgrade My Video Player.. Maybe Not
Not to sound all spacey and introspective but time is weird. It is always dependent on your perspective and the whole thing gets a little crazy when your perspective is not constant.
Tonight was the first meeting for Revelle's Welcome Week Ambassador program. I participated in the program this past year and knew it was something that I wanted to do again. It was great seeing some familiar faces from last year and catching up with people. About halfway through the meeting, my mind started racing. I just couldn't believe that just over a year ago I was sitting in (probably) the same conference room with a few of the same people about to plan this annual event. The idea baffled me and, for a time, I stopped listening to the meeting completely and tried to fathom how a year can go by that quickly, how so many things can change and how many things can stay exactly the same.
People generally agree that a year is roughly 365 days. College students can agree that a year is three quarters (two semesters) and a summer. My mind began acting like an old, kind of broken VCR. No, not a DVD, Blu-Ray or other sort of digital media player. A VCR. It hit the rewind button (you remember when you could see the video playing backwards with all of those lines across the screen) then it stopped, abruptly, and began to play. The year that had passed played back with intense clarity. I remembered going to these meetings last year with the girls in my dorm and a few of the people in my building-- we just had to walk downstairs really. I remembered all the people from freshman year, the Bible studies, clubs, classes, the biting cold, beautiful beach days, new faces, old faces, our obsession with pool at Roger's Place, Plaza Cafe food, and the discovery of coffee. Time kept moving forward and I remembered the end of freshman year and summer. I thought of this blog and was thankful to my old self for recording snippets of my experiences and I remembered all of the feelings of summer. Finally, this year became super clear. I remembered Welcome Week at the end of summer, starting school again, Christmas... then the 'video' came to a screeching halt in the present.
So much has changed yet so much has stayed the same. I started thinking about how I am still surrounded by some of the most incredible people I have ever met and how I still miss home (and the rest of the most incredible people I have ever known) and how people have changed. Then I found myself in that room again, realizing it was really time to start paying attention in the meeting.
So, in a way, a year ago feels completely intangible. So far away and so full of memories that it is almost like watching a movie of someone else's life-- how could all of that happen in just one year?? In another way, however, I am still dumbfounded at how it is possible that an entire year has passed.
I can't complain. I hope time continues to confound me whenever the opportunity arises.
"It's like my IPOD's stuck on replay" --Iyaz
 |
| Some of my favorite people, Welcome Week 2010: Amy, Mike, Xinwei, Chhai and Ben (photo courtesy of Van) |
People generally agree that a year is roughly 365 days. College students can agree that a year is three quarters (two semesters) and a summer. My mind began acting like an old, kind of broken VCR. No, not a DVD, Blu-Ray or other sort of digital media player. A VCR. It hit the rewind button (you remember when you could see the video playing backwards with all of those lines across the screen) then it stopped, abruptly, and began to play. The year that had passed played back with intense clarity. I remembered going to these meetings last year with the girls in my dorm and a few of the people in my building-- we just had to walk downstairs really. I remembered all the people from freshman year, the Bible studies, clubs, classes, the biting cold, beautiful beach days, new faces, old faces, our obsession with pool at Roger's Place, Plaza Cafe food, and the discovery of coffee. Time kept moving forward and I remembered the end of freshman year and summer. I thought of this blog and was thankful to my old self for recording snippets of my experiences and I remembered all of the feelings of summer. Finally, this year became super clear. I remembered Welcome Week at the end of summer, starting school again, Christmas... then the 'video' came to a screeching halt in the present.
So much has changed yet so much has stayed the same. I started thinking about how I am still surrounded by some of the most incredible people I have ever met and how I still miss home (and the rest of the most incredible people I have ever known) and how people have changed. Then I found myself in that room again, realizing it was really time to start paying attention in the meeting.
So, in a way, a year ago feels completely intangible. So far away and so full of memories that it is almost like watching a movie of someone else's life-- how could all of that happen in just one year?? In another way, however, I am still dumbfounded at how it is possible that an entire year has passed.
I can't complain. I hope time continues to confound me whenever the opportunity arises.
"It's like my IPOD's stuck on replay" --Iyaz
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Life in Pictures and Sunsets [Part 2]
Blogging is like a weird drug. When you're on it, you can't stop it.
I suppose it is best to get this out of the way now. But if you're reading this you probably already know... it's funny how that works. I have a boyfriend. It's pretty awesome having someone in your life that you can sit down to have a quick chat with... and not look at the clock until hours later to realize that the sun is about to rise. The cool thing is we had that kind of friendship before this whole dating thing. But, yes, he's pretty awesome. But don't tell him I said so.
The day we decided to give dating a shot, we were at the zoo and saw this three month old cheetah cub. Not a bad sign, right?
The weather here in San Diego has been amazing and there have been sunsets to match. No, this is not 'rose-colored glasses' talk, these sunsets are genuinely breathtaking.
<< A few minutes after sunset in Revelle, walking home after class with Amy
Dusk, overlooking the canyon in Warren college with the moon rising >>
As I was driving down the coast and away from that incredibly peaceful place, windows down with Angels and Airwaves blasting, I kept thinking about the lady I had just talked to. As I was leaving the beach, an older woman approached me. I think she was staying at the beach with her family in the RV parked nearby. She told me that she loved my car and that it reminded her of the old 'beetles' or "at least that's what we called them back in the day". The look in her eye told me the memory of this car would always possess a special place in her heart. We made some small talk and before I drove away I remember saying, "Thanks, have a good night. And enjoy the sunset". I know the fluffy, white vw with some killer black racing stripes will always have a special place in my heart, just as one of its ancestors' does in hers. I hope that it may be the catalyst for some brief but meaningful interaction with a complete stranger someday. And, mostly, I hope that everyone remembers to enjoy the sunset.
This post has a decidedly Jack Johnson/day by the beach feel...
"Do you remember when we first met? I sure do, it was sometime in early September, You were lazy about it, You made me wait around... So I was late for class"
I suppose it is best to get this out of the way now. But if you're reading this you probably already know... it's funny how that works. I have a boyfriend. It's pretty awesome having someone in your life that you can sit down to have a quick chat with... and not look at the clock until hours later to realize that the sun is about to rise. The cool thing is we had that kind of friendship before this whole dating thing. But, yes, he's pretty awesome. But don't tell him I said so.
The day we decided to give dating a shot, we were at the zoo and saw this three month old cheetah cub. Not a bad sign, right?
<< A few minutes after sunset in Revelle, walking home after class with Amy
Dusk, overlooking the canyon in Warren college with the moon rising >>
Last weekend, I had a lovely and long overdue lunch date with my sister. I was scheduled to pick up Mike that afternoon but he missed a train (or two) so I made my way down to Carlsbad State beach with a biological psychology book. I spent a few hours out there lying on a bank of sand, reading and watching the sun make its way to the horizon. My reward for a solid hour of reading was to explore the beach and take some pictures. There is something amazingly blissful about being quiet and letting the sound of waves and beach-goers fill your mind as you walk down the shore. It is almost better than retail therapy but I think I'm going to say this one is too close to call.
"Do you remember when we first met? I sure do, it was sometime in early September, You were lazy about it, You made me wait around... So I was late for class"
Monday, January 31, 2011
Life in Pictures [Part 1]
I could start by saying sorry for being a terrible blogger..again.. but, at this point, it is probably unnecessary.
It's been awhile-- long enough to where I don't remember the things I wanted to write about here. But, thankfully, my camera does. There are about 200 pictures lying around from when I last blogged and I can almost put everything back together in my head. It really does seem like you can relive life through pictures.
Winter break came to a bittersweet end with a lovely trip back down to sunny San Diego with my mom. We stopped by *our* happiest pit stop on earth-- The Storybook Cafe in Disney's Grand Californian Hotel. We have an insane number of amazing memories from this place as it has always been the perfect escape from either a long, hot day in the theme park or a long, exhausting day driving.
She stayed in San Diego for a couple of days and got to relive college for awhile. I'm not too sure if she wanted the whole 'reliving college' bit. Amy and I will never forget the physics class she came to and the quote she left us with the night she flew out of San Diego (something along the lines of microwaving sour cream.. I'm guessing it is one of those moments where you just had to be there). I just hope she had as much fun as I did.
Once school started, it felt like life had decided to go back to the fast lane. School got busy and my social life got busier. But that's more than okay with me.
Sprinkles La Jolla finally held its grand opening after months of hype. Shelby, Amy and Yoyo joined me at the grand opening where we waited a couple hours for cupcakes. The company, sunshine, and (duhhh) the dark chocolate cupcakes were definitely worth the wait.
Amy and I would always talk about going clubbing together in San Diego. We finally went. It was definitely a great experience but not because clubbing is that great or anything. It was one of those experiences where the company made all the difference.
That takes me about halfway through winter quarter and about halfway through the pictures.
Part two will follow shortly.
"So wake up, wake up dreaming"
--Ryan Star
It's been awhile-- long enough to where I don't remember the things I wanted to write about here. But, thankfully, my camera does. There are about 200 pictures lying around from when I last blogged and I can almost put everything back together in my head. It really does seem like you can relive life through pictures.
She stayed in San Diego for a couple of days and got to relive college for awhile. I'm not too sure if she wanted the whole 'reliving college' bit. Amy and I will never forget the physics class she came to and the quote she left us with the night she flew out of San Diego (something along the lines of microwaving sour cream.. I'm guessing it is one of those moments where you just had to be there). I just hope she had as much fun as I did.
Once school started, it felt like life had decided to go back to the fast lane. School got busy and my social life got busier. But that's more than okay with me.
That takes me about halfway through winter quarter and about halfway through the pictures.
Part two will follow shortly.
"So wake up, wake up dreaming"
--Ryan Star
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Here and There
The concept of equilibrium is simple. In science, forces pull equally and oppositely to equal a zero net force on the object/particle/whatever. I randomly became obsessed with the meaning and ideas behind this word and its applications outside of science. According to Merriam-Webster, ‘equilibrium’ is from the Latin roots ‘weight’ and ‘balance’. I began unpacking the concept of equilibrium in my life and the concept as it applies to our society.
I realized my life is never in equilibrium. At first this thought terrified me—it just sounds bad. Who wouldn’t like to say that their life is perfectly balanced? Admitting that my life is unbalanced is socially comparable to saying I don’t like cheeseburgers, pizza and baseball.. and I think kittens are ugly. We are supposed to have our lives perfectly packaged. Our lives are to be presented to others as a well-written summary; preferably tied with a bow.
But my life is not in equilibrium. I go through days where I have class and homework for ten hours straight, days where I sleep through lunch and watch tv until dinner. Amazing people surround me, yet friendships are never in equilibrium either. I can eat grilled cheese for four days in a row, then want nothing besides smoothies for the next week. Middle ground seems to lack pure existence.
But I’m happy. So as socially unacceptable as this is, I would like to share this confession with you: my life is not in equilibrium and I like it.
"When we live such fragile lives, It's the best way we survive, I go around a time or two, Just to waste my time with you" --The All-American Rejects
I realized my life is never in equilibrium. At first this thought terrified me—it just sounds bad. Who wouldn’t like to say that their life is perfectly balanced? Admitting that my life is unbalanced is socially comparable to saying I don’t like cheeseburgers, pizza and baseball.. and I think kittens are ugly. We are supposed to have our lives perfectly packaged. Our lives are to be presented to others as a well-written summary; preferably tied with a bow.
But my life is not in equilibrium. I go through days where I have class and homework for ten hours straight, days where I sleep through lunch and watch tv until dinner. Amazing people surround me, yet friendships are never in equilibrium either. I can eat grilled cheese for four days in a row, then want nothing besides smoothies for the next week. Middle ground seems to lack pure existence.
But I’m happy. So as socially unacceptable as this is, I would like to share this confession with you: my life is not in equilibrium and I like it.
"When we live such fragile lives, It's the best way we survive, I go around a time or two, Just to waste my time with you" --The All-American Rejects
Saturday, December 25, 2010
In Memory and Merry Christmas
This week we got a call. One of those calls you never hope to receive but cannot avoid. A longtime family friend had passed away in November and his wife had wanted to let us know. We first met Timo the Clown at our county fair when I was very young. I am fondly reminded of those summers when I clean my desk and find ribbons and photographs from the hula-hoop contests. My parents tend to make friends with people that we often come across, and Timo quickly became a close family friend. I still smile when I remember one of my birthday parties at the park where he let me drive the clown car—I remember feeling like the coolest kid alive. Years later, we had not seen the family but kept in touch during the holidays. Timo and his wife had sent me an email this summer asking how I was doing and about college. The correspondence was miraculously well timed, as I was in Rome and able to send them this blog and catch up with them. Even though we had not seen them in years, it was hard to hear of his passing. I remember him as a person who simply cared about people, with a heart big enough to hold the entire universe. His wife said that he was always watching over me from above and I believe it. He is there, along with others who have moved on from this life. When I consider that group I realize that I have the best guardian angels out there.
If Timo’s life and death taught me anything… well they taught me a few things. First, love everyone. Our hearts are perfectly designed to hold enough love for everyone. Everyone is worth our time and our love. Next, go out of you way to make someone’s day. I guarantee you, whatever energy you expend will be paid back tenfold. Finally, if you have an odd feeling that you should send someone an email, send him or her a text or give them a call, do it. It may be something that they really needed or it could be something they fondly look at when they miss you.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and my wish is that it is shared with at least one person that they love more than life itself. I am blessed; surrounded by love to say the least.
Again, I have been bad at keeping up the blog so I have decided to make a New Year’s resolution out of it. I will attempt to blog once a week (probably with the deadline of Wednesday or Sunday night) and blog anything else as I feel like writing.
I stumbled upon Timo’s facebook page while looking at his memorial online. I want to end this post with one the quotes on his page, “Whenever you see someone who doesn't have a smile give them one of yours”. Merry Christmas.
Again, I have been bad at keeping up the blog so I have decided to make a New Year’s resolution out of it. I will attempt to blog once a week (probably with the deadline of Wednesday or Sunday night) and blog anything else as I feel like writing.
I stumbled upon Timo’s facebook page while looking at his memorial online. I want to end this post with one the quotes on his page, “Whenever you see someone who doesn't have a smile give them one of yours”. Merry Christmas.
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